Selena

I now work in my local porn shop *lol* to catch up on bills & such. I decided it was time to tell you what I have been up to. Most of my friends know now & they are not surprised. Most snicker & say it fits, I am sure you as readers will agree that it is pretty fitting as well. So that movie clip up there it was recommended by the janitor that works at my “Smut Shop” Of course this was at like 7:30 this morning after I had been there since midnight. I was laughing my ass off b/c t was funny being told about said movie, I laughed even more when I finally found it on youtube. So I decided to share w/ you all. Scarily the movie is pretty close to the real deal! *lol* Last night was my 1st night on my own & it was slow, & well strange. I had the typical drunnk college kids come in & buy lube & cock rings, which btw was fucking hilarious, but the most strangest was a man that decided to tell me about his fascination w/ the Shemale. Now being bi this is in many ways very appealing you get the best of both worlds & some of them are just smoking ass dirty hot! So bother me no & why the hell not if I got a chance, yes odd but why not. But anyways this gentleman decided he was going to tell me how he has been looking for a person that would understand him, & also explaining his 1st Shemale encounter. Fascinating as it was, & not to being judgmental, I was a tad freaked out by said gentleman who after his explanation asked if he could give me his number. I kindly of course declined saying that I was not comfortable doing so, but if he wanted to chat me up feel free while I was on shift.

So the weirdos really do come out at night & that goes in the top ten of weird. Now I have had some customers that were just plain dumb while I was training do the normal stupid hitting upon the new female clerk crap. That is to be expected, I just am as polite as I can be & give them very strong body language that I am very much not interested in their bullshit & they pretty much get the hint. But I think soon I will grow the raging bitch ‘tude to deal w/ the jackasses & weirdos. I also have to say I think I work in the most safe & secure environment I can, I am on video surveillance my whole shift, & hell the cops know where we are. I feel pretty safe. But I saw rthe above movie & that is just about any Smut shop in America.

As for other things, not much really. Getting caught up on money issues, I hope to be comfortable & saving money for things by October. I have decided what I will do for my Birthday & Christmas presents to myself, that is a new tattoo. I am taking example of my friend Andy & asking if anyone decides to give me a gift, give me tat time instead.

Lets see the personal life, uh no nothing really. It seems the one that I am most interested has not returned any of my correspondence, I give him a week I’ll send him email, if no bite, sad but i shall just move on. There is a few other prospects, I just haven’t shared them all. I am really just testing waters w/ people, but nothing definite, & I will not be settling down anytime soon. My pony friend & I are talking more about plans. My Spank partner J & I are also talking about me seeing him again soon. I have been reiterating to him my reluctance on many things. I care for him on so many levels & we have a really good time. I am just not used to someone respecting my boundaries, I keep showing him my fear & my backbone. I am afraid to let people in, I can not take any more chinks in my armor, I really don’t have much of my heart left. I am feeling fragile. People may feel otherwise about me, but the thing is my head & heart have been battered in all the turbulence as well, as others. So I have added some steel to my spine & a very thick wall around my heart. But there are a few that still make it through.

Little Sis & I hung out a bit today made dinner together & chatted. My counselor is also back in town from her vacation. I have been doing Selena is in her room hanging out & doing things on her own time lately. When you have someone crammed up your ass all the time for about 6 months you would wanna be alone too. I also finished a book this week it was excellent, I have some catching up to do. But over all it was satisfying to read again. It quiets my mind. Writing is also quieting my mind. I am still writing about Nyree, it will take some time, I am getting very descriptive, I am painting the scene w/ words & it is not an easy task. I have had positive reactions to my sample bits I have shown to friends, it is heartening. Well it is late & I am exhausted I got but three hours of sleep this past day b/c I needed to get up & give two massages as well as my 1st shift at the porn store. Good night all!

Ok last summer I did a bit of poetry, just this week I thought I would try my hand w/ writing about scenes I have done, or just things that I have done to share w/ others. Then I went a step further I realized why not just take some of my experiences & compound them into one character, then I do not need to think about how to disguise people’s names & what ever else. Some things will very much resemble what I have experienced personally, & at other times I am going to take my fantasies & make it all go together. So anything you may notice as familiar, there is a reason, I will try very hard to make characters very different from my RL friends & acquaintances.

So why have I decided to write more creatively? I really don’t know why, there are just things that are just memorable & I would like to share them in vivid detail or as much so, so others may see what it is I experience as a submissive & at times a Top. So I introduce to you Nyree, the main character, her sister slave Kira, & Master Pharaoh. Together they form a triad poly household. Which I very much dream I can be poly once again, this of course is my ideal household, not how I am living now, & I may never have this situation, but it is fantasy right?

Don’t worry I’m still planning on my daily babble or near daily babble, just know I am going to take much time to write the 1st chapter of Nyree’s Journey. But it will not be the last & there are many places to go w/ this character & her household. I hope I can bring you this dream I have in my head at least on occasion. Feel free to make comments on the short stories, and hey if there is an experience or situation you would like me to write about ASK, you may receive! So look for The Party very soon.

What else is going on? Well I am just getting ready to deal w/ legal matters in my personal life. I have a court appearance tomorrow very early in the morning. Lets just say I don’t want to get badgered for a bit & maybe then he will learn, I want nothing to do w/ him & he should move on. I will be getting my first paycheck from my new job on Friday! Yay! Still have to save all I can for rent for my office, so the new job is really useful, just sad that I make only $7.25 an hour. But hey better than nothing if you look at it.

But other than that, there is nothing really going on. Well I shouldn’t say entirely nothing! I have narrowed my choices to two the pesty brat, well he put himself in disfavor last night. He’s just too off the freaking wall. Plus he’s not what I really want I think, fun to be friends w/ possible a casual play date, but invest more than that no. The Wolf… *melts* The Wolf has my complete attention! The Pony is still a very likely candidate as a fun, kinky sex buddy, not mention just fun to hang w/ as a friend. Settle for either no, I will not. Take my exploration further? Hells fucking yeah! I have come to the conclusion that I will take my time & talk to both these gentleman & possibly move to dating when realistically possible. Debating on how long I should wait to give The Wolf my number… I want to hear his voice… I love voices, he’s a very strong candidate for everything else but if the voice is there I am done for. I like deeper voices, that just sound like velvet on your skin. I like it when my hair is pulled just so & he just puts his lips next to your ear & he tells you what he is gonna do to you. *gets tingly bits* *sigh* We will see. So yep, working, writing, & stuck making love to myself at this point!

I remember it well the last time I played. It was almost two weeks ago & I just can not get it out of my head & I have been wanting to write in depth about it. I cried for the first time in scene that was not accompanied by pain, & I also cried in pain, which J figured out at Spank that he could make me do so if he paddled my ass just right, when he punished me for the first time for my infractions in the morning, w/ a rubber spatula. So J’s special gift to heal & cleanse me was this…

We were alone in the house… I was nervous, a bit charged by the massage I just gave him, but looking forward to submitting none the less. He was sitting in the living room, the sun was coming into the windows, the cats were napping & getting kitty tans in the beams of light. I tentatively looked into his eyes & asked him if he would like me to set up for play. He answered yes. I scurried to my bedroom & started to unpack the bag I had hastily packed just the Saturday before, when I left the apartment that I shared w/ the man that has damaged me in so many ways.

I took all the floggers out & lined them up on top of my laundry sorter for his convenience. I then lined every thing on the floor & around on available surfaces. I had laid out the scene. I went back out to the living room where he was waiting. I fell to my knees & w/ mirth in my voice & a mischievous smile I said ” The weapons of mass destruction are ready.”, “You forgot to say Sir at the end of that sentence.” “Yes Sir, sorry Sir.”… He bade me to get up & I followed him down the hall, just a step back & to his right as I have always done, when I am in my better form.

Once I stepped into the room I went to a corner of the room that was free, He looked at me, “You have to many clothes on, take them off.” “Yes, Sir.” I said as I started to take my shirt off & fold it neatly & place it on the floor, I took my bra off & I saw his eyes light w/ pleasure. He took both his hands & smacked them both at the same time hard, so they swayed & startled me. My breasts were sore as it was b/c of PMS & he knew it. “That was for forgetting to call me Sir.” He grabbed them a bit & kissed me deeply. “Yes, Sir I am sorry Sir.”, “Take off the rest of your clothes.”, I quickly stepped out of my shorts & panties to stand naked before him. He grabbed my hair at the back & kissed me again. “Where are your cuffs & collar?” ” Right here on the bed, Sir.” I said as I grabbed my black & red collar & presented it to him. I lifted my hair & bent my head down so he could buckle it.

He indicated I was to sit on the bed while he put the cuffs around my ankles, the hardware on them jingling nicely as he did so. I was slipping on my terry cloth wrist bands to protect my wrists more, & confirmed that they were on snug enough, yet comfortable. My wrist cuffs were put on as well. I was bid to stand bent over the edge of the bed, the flogging began. He had not used my toys before & he tried a few before he found the ones to his liking. First some of my cloth floggers, then the longer tailed crop w/ rubber falls. I was drifting a bit, & then he rolled me over to my back, my arms above my head my legs spread my knees were brushing the floor, I was at the corner of the bed.

He started to smack my legs, bite & even licked my pussy lips. He started to try to pussy whip me & I started to try to get away & close my legs. “Keep your legs open, for me.” I struggled more so he found a length of rope & ties me so I could not move them, then takes two snap clips & attaches my cuffs to my collar so my arms are bound as well. By then the tears were streaming down my face. I had had someone use most of his toy bag once & had made my clit numb for three days. I got nervous & cried more, b/c I was afraid. “Sir, Sir please a former dominant injured me, by whipping my clit, ” *sniffles* ” Please, Sir I do not like it.” “Then I guess we will go easy on you there till you trust me more, little one.”, as he rubs my clit so I moan. He plays w/ my pussy gently & then gets a glass dildo out & starts to fuck me w/ it, just at the edge of cumming he stops, unties me from the corner of the bed, ” Get up higher on the bed please.” I wiggle arms still bound to my collar.

He got on the bed w/ me by then & had rolled me over, tears still wet on my face. “Such a good girl, I love to tie you up & make you cry.” He reached down by the side of the bed & turns on my plug in massager. He starts rubbing it over my clit, I start to press into it, just as I was getting closer to cumming, “Sir, Sir… Sir may I cum please?!” “If I let you cum, I will have to spank you 10 times harder, do you want that?” “No Sir!”. He turns the massager on high & I try to close my legs, but he is on them so I can not move them, & it rips through me I am screaming & crying “NO SIR, NOOOoooo.”. “See but I wanted to spank you that hard so I let you cum,” He says w/ the biggest evilest grin he had shown me. ” Now on your stomach.” He gets the spade shaped, paddle w/ the two small speed holes in it. I am on my stomach laying on my bound arms, glaring at him for making me cum. ” I think 10 will do, I want you to count them for me.” He says silkily. “Yes Sir.” I hiss.

The first one hits me on my right ass cheek, “One… *SMACK*… Owww! *whimper*… *SMACK* Two.. *SMACK*… Three…”, Tears are running down my cheeks again, & I wiggle & voice each stroke w/ a yelp. …*Smack* “Eight!”… *Smack* “Nine!”, I am almost done & he breaks my concentration… “Which cheek do you want your last one on?” I think about if for about 2 brief seconds, my right ass cheek is burning pretty well, but there was a spot toward the center of my left that was not burning yet… “My left cheek Sir in the middle a bit Sir, *SMACK* TEN!” I am pretty much done crying, I immediately get a feeling of anger that passes briefly, & I give him a very very dirty look. He frees my arms of their restraints, I immediately roll over & face the wall & curl into a ball. He gets into bed w/ me to hold me & I wiggle just enough away so there is space between our bodies for about 5 minutes or so, the anger & embarrassment pass. I turn around & nuzzles & snuggle into his arms. He gives me a few sips of water, takes off my leather & I fall into a deep sleep…